Tuesday, February 7, 2012

yesterday I tried to cut my jugular vein

Yesterday, I tried to cut my jugular vein. I knew it would draw more blood faster from my body than the common method of cutting the radial vein that will not do anything to my life except risking to damage my nerves instead..

It was my second time of serious suicide efforts I did. Previously, I often hold a broken mirror and the other times a knife....but these were just ended with failure


I was unlucky--or maybe lucky, I don't know,, unintentiously the surgical blade I hold scratched my finger. I was very afraid when it dripped so much blood, but I waited it, I wanted to know how fast a little vein would drip a blood...for comparing it with my jugular vein, if I continued to cut my jugular vein then...

The bleeding rate was so fast, that I feel my hands are trembling and becoming cooler.


finally, my yesterday-effort to suicide was aborted, yes, I failed to empty my blood from my body again..

But at least I could get a positive side effect, that I could go to my campus with a gauze full of blood covering my finger and my neck to take some attention from my friends,, and to let them know that I tried to suicide, and I needed help,,, although I did not mention why I got that wound...They would know by taking into consideration the location of my wound--my neck where my jugular vein is quite superficial to it...

145 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I need to know the shaarpest knife to cut my jugular vein

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    2. WTF!... yes i have harmed as well, yes ive attempted and failed, yes id say there was no hope... but I never gave up...Please dont try again... I'll do what i can... if you want you can email me..
      My name is...Rikki, im turning 16 this month... email me at....:
      trikki1024@gmail.com
      I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU nohope...Always...

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    3. Tenon saw maybe?

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    4. I'm 21 and I've made quite a few attempts ,from overdosing to hanging myself (don't reccomend) to actually trying to to sever my jugular.thinkg about trying it again.

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  2. Adding to Anonymous, go wider. If you can catch your carotid, you should be out like a light. Also use a superior blade. Can't go wrong with the classic straight razor. That's my plan, but I'll let you use it without hassle ;).

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    3. Yep. I calculated the lethal dose according to my weight of all the medications I had at home, took a few extra just to be sure and sculled them all down with water.
      I am still here.
      The first words I uttered upon awakening were "Fuck I can't believe I failed.. again."

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    4. This is why I'll make it certain. No time for games. There are many plans to get it right on the first time. As you'll see, I will. Won't post again dead ppl don't.you did so you lie.

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    5. Yeah. I'm thinking the same. I think lethal dose works too.

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  3. I'm glad that you could get some positive effect. Please don't die; you deserve to live and to get the support you want. :)
    A hug for you; hang in there.

    And that's coming from someone who found this blog entry by searching "how to cut the jugular vein".

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  4. Please seek help. I was at the edge and in the dark but now I'm preparing for my marathon. You just need to get help and seek purpose. There is always a way to live life. I told myself this, if I were to not want to live, why not commit this life to others, to divinity, to something. Look around you. Suffering exist. And there is a way out. Look for it. Even if you didn't find it, at least you know you have spend those years purposefully. Hang on there.

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    1. just so you know.. when someone is genuinely considering taking their own life ands then read your post, it is by far the most repulsive and pretentious thing you could read. A. we are talking to ppl that want to die... not ever (in this life or the next) do we want to listen to you smear our face in the fact hat u are running a marathon while we are praying to have something make us stop breathing. what the hell. B. you suggest that we commit our lives to divinity... what an original thought. please next time you get on a blog for ppl that are genuinely considering ending their lives. take a few minutes to read what you wrote and try not to be so self righteous. On a more Libra -note... thank you for your effort, even if it is not a very good one.

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    2. ^ Kill yourself Anonymous...seriously..

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    3. You all are horrible! I came here to find a permanent way out and all I found was a bunch of crap about how people survived suicide attempts. I'm literally just as pathetic as all of you. First I buy the wrong ammo and the guns just kept on clicking every time I pulled it, then some one found me hanging and lastly i had a natural tolerance to benzos and woke up two days later. Now maybe the jugular and there is still a chance to make it out of that one. Fuck what do I have to do take deacon throw myself off a building while shooting myself in the head?

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    4. To the douche bag who posted on Dec 31, 2014.
      So, basically you are saying you come here to communicate with the dead. Survival posts hold some of the most insight as to what you will expect going through various methods. Not to mention the ONLY mentions of the experience. I have tried unsuccessfully to kill myself numerous times throughout the last decade. Two things prevented that: 1. Terrible delivery 2. Recovery and holding out because life sways like that. The reality for me, and I know I'm not alone in this is that, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary aggravations. However, as time passes on, and time speeds up, one thing becomes apparent in the mind of a person who wants to die, they realize the fluctuation in life and either choose to embrace it, or choose to leave. I am a fairly successful person when it comes to demographics. I am smart, make good decisions, have travelled the world, and defended my country. What disgusts me is that you can bastardize people who are trying to relate and explain. Just because you are suicidal doesn't mean you get to judge those who are still here. The idea that someone wants to leave this plane is in every way a sacred task and none of it is your business. What is your business is to learn from them one way or another.

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    5. I agree with your sentiments px

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  5. Um... attention seeker much. Go see a counselor or go swimming or something.

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    1. if we're attention seekers then why do we hide our scars? You don't understand so unless u do then don't say anything .

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    2. Did you honestly just suggest to go "swimming"???? I hope you have children with emotional problems... that has to be the only thing worse than actually wanting to die... having a child that wants to die. you are a terrible human

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    3. If you all weren't attention seekers then why are you posting your failed stories on the internet?? TO GET ATTENTION! Now take your little emo, attention seeking asses somewhere else.

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    4. ^ Yo bitch, why don't you shut the fuck up, you don't know what it's like, to have depression etc, so how the fuck can you judge us when really, you haven't a fucking clue? So I suggest you shut the fuck up and learn what emo means before you go ahead and insult us. So take yourself and go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge you cold heartless fuck!

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    5. You guys have depression... I know how it feels... But did you ever think about all those failed attempts... Why did you fail? You guys have a message... You have a mission and it's not accomplished yet. We're all going to die, but why don't we live first?

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  6. Tried to do the same thing. Sat under a tree in the backyard so I'd bleed onto the ground. Tried four or five passes with my favorite kitchen knife but didn't really feel anything but a bit of pain. Clearly wasn't working. left and tried to find a gun to buy. Failed. Left suicide notes; wife called the cops. Committed for a week. Now my life is total shambles. Neck was sore for a couple of days with relatively superficial cuts. I'm not going to try this again but I keep hoping I die in my sleep.

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    1. i wonder do you love your wife? why would you want to leave her alone in this big world?

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    2. I know this post is over a year old but I'm still gonna comment. Asking someone "do u love your wife, why would u want to leave her alone in this big world" just shows that u obviously do NOT understand!! So many people that want to off themselves go on 'living' miserably for the sole reason of not hurting the people they love & being "selfish". You can only go on living like that for so long. Call it selfish but at some point it becomes selfish for people who supposedly love u to go on for the sole reason they THEY don't have to feel that pain!! Don't spew bs about things u obviously have NO understanding of!!

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    3. Anonymous , it is February 2015. I just do not want to hurt the ones that care for me. Anymore . I choose to not exist

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  7. Lee has a really good response, living for others (helping them etc) occupies your mind and hopefully you'll start to feel good about yourself. "An idle mind is the devils play ground". You need to find purpose, without purpose no one would exist. Depression sucks balls, I had it for seven years, still comes and goes, but at least now I have a lot of good times too, got to ride the waves. Seek help and devote yourself to getting better, you have to want and try to get better before any help will help you. Confront your fears and step out of your comfort zone. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite saying that, but I'm doing it little bit by little bit and it is paying dividends. Having a job that you like and that you get satisfaction from, is a really good start to beating depression, after all, we are at work for like 70% of our awake lives. Hope you get better, depression is an illness and it needs to be treated.

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  8. I intend to slit my own jugular vein. I have had enough of this horrid life. I am without hope and to me living without hope is living death.

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  9. Oh geez. I was searching "jugular vein" for completely different reasons and found this instead.

    My heart hurts for those of you who don't see a light.

    Don't go. None of you. Please don't go. I can't imagine how hard everyday is for you all but I know that the pain, the hole you'll leave behind will be greater than you can imagine.

    Please get help.

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    1. ya indeed .......... but only to the ones to whom your existence is a good deal, or else you are just a burden ... nothing else
      Who in the society cares for your existence and how you exist.
      wether u get what u deserve is again a question 'others' dont want to answer coz that will mean parting with your own share in cake, and nobody ever dares to confess - i will not give it !
      what do u do then - live on beggary. world is overpopulated so let the scraps have 'Euthanasia' cum suicide !

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    2. Really?!? I think about how much people worry and care. They wouldn't be burdend by me anymore.

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    3. I care about you. But just not myself

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    4. The survivors of suicide suffer immensely which seems like forever. My only daughter, age 49, bipolar, died from a self inflicted cut to her right jugular. She left a note saying she did not want to be a burden to those she loves. Surely she did not realize what a burden her suicide left those who loved her.

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  10. The will to live is always stronger then the will to die. Think about the people around you, you are a son/daughter, a neighbor, a teachers student at one point or another, a grandchild...your always going to be connected to someone. Please get help. I dont know who you are or what you are going through but there is always someone. God doesn't slam a door in your face without opening a box of girl scout cookies. I've been there trust me.

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    1. Yes, this a late reply. There is nothing so obnoxious as a slimy little voyuer. Keep your nose and religion out of other people's business. If we want to exit this life early it has nothing to do with you. Who do you think you are, Pollyanna? It's because of people like you, with your heads in the sand, that makes people like me wish for an early exit. You are nauseating.

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    2. Yes, this a late reply. There is nothing so obnoxious as a slimy little voyuer. Keep your nose and religion out of other people's business. If we want to exit this life early it has nothing to do with you. Who do you think you are, Pollyanna? It's because of people like you, with your heads in the sand, that makes people like me wish for an early exit. You are nauseating.

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  11. EVERYONE. there is a reason we were born, and there is a reason we die. we have to wait our turn. life is what you make it and theres nothing you can do that you cant fix. I pray for all of you in need to kill yourself. I just hope you rethink it and realize there is a lot to live for. WAIT YOUR TURN. God bless

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  12. i want to die.i tried 3 or 4 times.but failed.but today again i'm going to try out.now i need some sleeping pills.my loneliness killing my.i'm fed up of my life.i lost my dreams and i'm looser...........somebody help me to die.

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    1. take it and goo ......... losing dream is like turning your brain a mere 'mechanical' part of your body which gets input from other, makes you work for other and output for you is null !!
      may u RIP

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    2. I want the same bro but i dont have any sleeping pills.i am looser too.i want met someone like me.replay bro

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  13. People, if you want to die please do it with dignity and die in war !!!!

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    1. The comment section of this blogpost is riddled with atrocious garbage painted as supposedly helpful advice, mixed in with self-righteous claims, and sociopathic dismissal of individuals who are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Having said that, this comment here takes the cake -- anon, you are a certifiable cunt.

      Because what's more dignified than joining a nationalistic cause which disassociates soldiers from the issues "necessitating" their role in combat, so that they can die as fatally unaware pawns for the mechanism known as the military industrial complex? Literally fucking everything you unstable schmuck.

      There is nothing dignified about utilizing human beings as cannon fodder in order to gain influence, and repurpose resources in areas which previously belonged to the dead men at whom the armies of demagogues decided to point their gun barrels while dreaming about the spoils of war. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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    2. What about a war fighting the nazi military industrial complex? Maybe head out and join the ones from Donesk ;)

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    3. shut the fuck up ignorant cunt

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    4. Okay people, seriously? yes I'm late to the party but by Gezz!,
      everyone needs to find some purpose and perspective, for those who think their life sucks or is on a collision course to oblivion, think again! 'There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so'. So don't tell me I don't understand your pain or struggles, it is all psychological. Many people are struggling in this world in many ways yet they live on and remain mentally strong. So everyone find some perspective and live on and long!

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    5. Fuck you, you pretentious fuck.

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  14. i don't know what to do I've tried praying tried putting my feelings on paper i just feel like no one will understand if i even try to get my feelings out i dont know how to get out this world i'm scared of cutting my wrist and failing becuz if i do it i want it to be done and over and not having to be recovered.what the hell do i do.

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    1. i empathize with u ....i dont want to live in this fucked up world ...i wish i would get some cyanide ..

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  15. What the actual fuck did I find searching for a hockey accident my friend told me about... I hope all the people who wrote on here are still around... Suicide is a horrible thing and the people who do it are so stupid. They think that they are all alone in the world and what they are going through is too bad, but they don't even begin to understand. Most people don't realize the effect suicide has on the people around them. they think none will miss them. They are so wrong. There will alwyas be someone who crys them self to sleep because someone they loved did something so stupid and shortsighted as kill themselves. If you really truly want to kill yourself you need to stop and think. If you have a horrid situation at home, get help. there are hundreds of ways to get help and to get yourself out of the situation you are in. I've heard all kinds of horror stories of the things that humans can do to each other, abuse, rape, bullying, but if you are in a situation like this there are more ways to get out than suicide. It can be as simple as telling a friend or someone with authority, like a teacher or someone like that. And for the people who think they are worthless, think again, there is not one person on this planet that is completely worthless or a burden to someone else. Everyone has something they can contribute to the planet, even if it is just giving a simple smile. All of this is coming from someone who knows the aftermath of a suicide. I have had a friend commit suicide before, thinking that he is alone and that no one would care anyway. He could have not been more wrong. On that day you couldn't walk in the halls of my school without seeing tears, and I myself have begun crying writing this. My father has tried to commit suicide 4 times before, failing each time. He believes that me and my brothers and sisters would be better off without him. He could not be more wrong. I have no idea what i'd do without him. And to everyone who is thinking about suicide: There is someone else out there that cares about you, even though you don't know it. That is my message to everyone out there that thinks committing suicide is a good idea.

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    1. Dear god what a wall of text I just vented.... Click my name to get help.

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    2. Thank you for sharing as one on the other side. For those who struggle and fight this battle, who have people leave and tell them they are just too hard to love...it all sounds so simple. It's not a simple gesture, a simple decision. Are there those out that that behave rashly, absolutely. But I understand what your father thinks. Is it easy to be a parent suffering and then watching your children watching you suffer. The scars and damage that it causes lead to more guilt for the parent. It is an endless horrible cycle. There is no easy answer, no easy solution and never a right choice. Sometimes, it is the choice between the lesser of two evils rather than right and wrong. I applaud you for so willingly offering help to those lost souls who happen to stumble on this page and take the time to actually read what you had to say. I can see your point and I can see their points as well.

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    3. I get what you are saying, but it is irrelevant. For the suffering I have endured for the past 3 years, the grief that only my few friends would feel would barely be trivial.

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  16. My brothers body was found on Wednesday, February 26, 2014 after being missing for 4 days. He took his life. He suffered for 29 years from depression. Had been getting worse and worse for last 10 years and severely worse for last 5 yrs. He was far from "stupid" and wwqs not abused, bullied or raped. He knew a lot of people loved and cared about him. He sought out more than those hundreds of ways to get help that you really know nothing about. Just spent 5 months in 4 facilities for that help you talk about. You obviously have no real clue how dark and hopeless someone with real, deep, serious and untreatable depression and a few other mental diagnosises feels. So many meds tried over the years. So many different Drs. sought out,so many family members and friends trying to help and no positive response. He loved the Lord and God heard lots of real prayers. My loving brother was not stupid, he was sick. Please don't "act stupid" and call sick people names. I hope your dad gets better.

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    1. Thank you! Having someone say what you just said...knowing that he did everything he could and it was really not for lack of trying or lack of choosing or being selfish. You said this so wonderfully. I truly applaud you and thank you...as someone who suffers the way your brother suffered and struggles and fights everyday. I do not believe your brother was selfish or stupid. I do not believe he was a coward or took the easy way out. I believe he struggled with his decision, that he battled and fought until there was no fight left. I believe that he was strong and brave. I am sorry for your loss, but understand his decision. Thank you for remembering what was real to your brother and not fantasizing his life or his illness. Because there comes a point where the illness does simply take over. I can't begin to know your story or your situation or your brother's for that matter. I simply know my own. But this has been the most amazing thing I have read in so long. You need to know that.

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  17. Wow some of these people are dead now. How i wish i could join them.

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  18. I disagree with all of you...thise whi want to kill them selves and thise who think they are idiots for wanting it. I wanted to die many times... i was holding a knife and glass in my hand so many times i cant count it. I was crying so much in those periods... i felt alone, misunderstud, tortured by my own toughts and insecurities, many times i felt like i deserved it because im a horrible person. I would think a lot how people around me would feel and i felt like no one but my mom would miss me... to this day i still think this... but then i tought what if i failed and survived? Ill be supervised like a rat in a cage... i got so scared of surviving that i didnt even attempt to kill myself wich is a paradox but... i fell into a dark void for 3 weeks... i felt dead, i felt like my soul has died, i didnt think,i wasnt sad or happy, i had no needs i was just existing... dont kbow in wich conversation to myself i made myself believe that i died and got a new chance...but i changed my life conpletly after 3 weeks of void... no its not a success story... im saying i traveled to another side of the pkanet and my inly reason for everyrhing i do that is crazy or misunderstood is that once i had a courage to ebd it all and i will again so when everything fails and there are no options to drasticly change things i can always just die. So what in saying is.. i wont judge anyone here for wanting to die but do something memorable before you decide to take your life away....do whatever you want, something nice that people will remeber... and exactly that might make you realise you dont have to die now. Also i hope everyone is reading this...dont make other people kill themselves... do what you want to yourselves but dont ruin others to make yourself feel better. Also a lot of people whi wabt to kill themselves never tell others,never post online and bevee seek opinions...and i know cauae i knew i few suicidals (r.i.p) ...and im thinking i wish they did...maybe theh would still be alive today....

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    1. Sorry for typos english is not my first language and i hate touch screen

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  19. I like what you said, lots of people don't ever tell people. Some don't tell, cause they don't want to be stereotyped as wanting attention. Sure they want love but who wants to beg to be loved back. If you ask for love, that's not love. Years ago I started a book on suicide. Never finished cause of depression. But suicide seems to be so misunderstood. So many want love and don't feel they have it or feel only one will miss them and some feel the ones that won't are the ones they live for. A person at a suicide point, feels like things will never get better, maybe they've turned to God as the persons brother above has done and maybe they just feel overwhelmed in their feelings. I feel bad for all who wanted to ever commit suicide, there is some who want to and there is some who want just attention. That don't put us all there wanting attention. But one thing I think all suicidal people share is the desire for something better, for a change. Even if that change is just a healed disease of depression. People telling others they just want attention don't help them. It makes it harder cause they want and need love and don't feel they have it. "Glad you called" is a song I thought of not long ago.We just never know when a person that comes to mind is somebody who need a us to just reach out and say hey, thought about you and wanted to call. People who are suicidal lots often think of people and just wish they'd tell them hey I was just thinking about you. But when they dont, that can be life or death in a suicidal persons life. So when you do have others cross ur mind, don't just ignore it and assume they have all they need. Maybe they dont. Maybe they feel they have nobody or that they sure wish you'd care, so text, call, email, something and let them know you csre, cause it could be a persons life at stake. Lots of people die and everybody says I had no idea they were even sad. That's often cause people haven't tried to know that person and their deep feelibgs. Usually a person don't wake up from a happy life suicidal. It's a process Year of whatever, and then they are pushed to the edge and don't know what else to do to stop the pain and it gets too much. It's not for attention, but lack of love they feel. In this world of distance brought on lots by technology and families that are broken cause their family was broken and back stabbing friends, people's hearts are breaking and nobody even realizes it.

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  20. Part 1:
    If you think you have real reasons to end your life read my story. I don’t know anyone that has more reasons to end their life than I do and I’m still here. (Though I must admit I don’t know for how long or even if I will be able to hang on but I can only try.)

    As a young man I struggled with depression and thoughts of ending my life since I was a teenager. My counselors have thought that a lot of it stems from being sexually abuse by my male babysitter when I was little and from the physical abuse of my step-father. Somehow I made it through all this and found a life of love and happiness with my wife and 8 children. We were all very close with a very deep love and spiritual life. I had never known anything like it before in my life. But the depression started coming back as I found myself stressed from working 60 hours a week and still barely making it. Then a miracle….we inherited close to a million dollars. I had a plan to generate a permanent cash flow with real estate but never got to implement it due to some errors in judgment. I just knew I was going to fail as my childhood programming told me I would. As I turned a million dollars into a financial disaster, I could see I was losing it all. The feeling that I was unlovable returned and it seemed like I was trying to prove it as you will see later. This contributed to my depression, which eventually led to taking antidepressants.

    I began taking Effexor in July 2007 and was soon up to 300mg a day (4 times the usual recommended dose.) I was on it for 4 years. When I stopped taking it I felt like I woke up from a coma and everyone around me immediately noticed a huge change in me like my personality came alive.

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  22. Part 2:

    However, it was too late. While on Effexor, I began acting out with violence and in many ways that were out of character for me. I didn't know (until recently) that SSRI's could do this to people. Andrea Yates who drowned her 5 children was on the same medication I was. (Scary) I have read many stories like this on www.SSRIstories.com. One of my friends sent me copies of bizarre emails from this time period because I don’t remember sending them. (Just to show me how wacked out on the medications I really was.) I also remember making plans to kill 3 people and myself before I was arrested. I committed a sex offense called GSI (Gross Sexual Imposition) which is essentially inappropriate illegal touching. It's hard for me to explain my mentality at the time because I don't understand it myself. All this is consistent with the effects of SSRI’s. Everything from that time is very foggy in my head. I remember my 4 year old daughter was persistently curious as kids naturally are. A couple of times, that curiosity led to something unimaginably horrifying. One time I remember Mom sending her up to wake me. Upon waking me she poked me on my underwear and asked me "what's this?". And there was some touching. I did not plan or seek and I am in no way interested in kids sexually. I am also not saying it was her fault as I was the adult. Somehow it never occurred to me that I could get in trouble for this as evidenced by the fact that I did not tell her to keep it a secret or anything like that. Of course she innocently said something to Mommy. I confessed to the police but my attorney later said I would’ve have gotten a lot less time if I hadn't confessed. But I still feel it was the right thing to do. I also remember sitting in the Police station feeling surprised that I could get in trouble for what I did. I didn't understand how I could not have realized that. I kept thinking what is wrong with me. (Dr. Breggin explains a lot of this while outlining the effects of SSRI’s on his website.) After all these years I have finally found some of the answers in my research but it’s too late now. I never did anything wrong in my life and was a very good father until I was on this medication and now that I am off it I am horrified and ashamed of what I have done. I still can’t fathom how I was capable of doing these things. And now I will forever have these labels and I have lost everything in my life. Why? Because I trusted a fricken doctor and a medication to help me. And while I have been told by several slimy lawyers that I have a case no one will take it because they all want the easy case. I have some friends who have stuck by me but most did not. A lot say they forgive me but no longer act like friends so you can figure it out. My ex-wife won’t even talk to me so she hasn’t seen the 57 pages of clinical data on SSRI’s that show what they did to me.

    My last counselor had a patient on the exact same medication who did the exact same thing I did. I learned a lot about SSRIs on www.Breggin.com. Even though the evidence is out there I know some people won't believe me which makes all this even harder. Dr. Breggin spoke with me on the phone and told that he believes that I am not responsible for what I did while on the Effexor. He views it as involuntary intoxication because I did not realize what the drug was doing to me. But I still feel responsible and I can't stop thinking about it. I hate what I did. I hate myself for doing it. I don't understand how I could have been capable of doing this. And there’s no relief or release from these thoughts.

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  23. Part 3: (The end)

    To make it worse, the administration of my church doesn’t want me there but my friends do. The administration did nothing about the man who threatened me at church. I have been banned from playing my guitar in our prayer group because of my case even though the prayer group wants me to play. I know the Lord forgives me but I can’t and don’t know if I ever will be able to. I feel like I deserve to suffer and die and go to hell. I don’t think there is any price high enough for the things I did. That is why I am struggling to survive and have attempted to end my life. I sat in my running car for an hour and twenty minutes with a vacuum hose connected from the exhaust to the interior. (Somehow, a friend happened to call me and managed to talk me out of it.- I often wish he hadn’t.) I was in the hospital 3 times last year including 2 major surgeries ending with open heart bypass surgery. I have multiple physical problems that I can’t seem to get help with. The things that happened to me in prison have emotionally scarred me for life. I still have nightmares 3 years after getting out. I am consumed with how horrible a person people must think I am. As I walk through a grocery store I wonder what each person would think if they knew what a horrible person I am. I spend every holiday alone and often doubt that I am capable of being a productive member of society again. I see families in stores and I see movies and shows that show people having normal loving relationships and I wonder if I’ll ever have that again. I ask God where he was when I was little and the times I needed him. Yet I know He is here for me even if I am sometimes angry at Him. I see and feel the pain and suffering in the world and it haunts me. I just want the pain to stop. Sometimes I think I would be doing my kids a favor by ending my life so they won’t have to face the shame of a father like me. The way things are going it’s always possible that I try it again and if I do I know that I won’t fail again. Some days I believe I can make it others days I don’t see any hope but I am still here hanging on by a thread every day. Jesus is all I have and I only hope I can make it.

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    Replies
    1. I hope that you are still making it. I am amazed at what you just shared. feel free to reach out and email me...hopebenow@gmail.com. This is an interesting story to me.

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  24. thank you for not killing yourselves

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  25. I not suicidal but I have to cut my vein. Because asking for help any other way wouldnt work out.

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  26. I tried I failed but now I kno yaweh amen

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  27. I've not had thoughts around the big S in years. But recently they've started creeping up. I spent my late teens and early 20's battling them. I'm now 30.

    I have some sort of issue with romantic relationships. I've never been in a relationship. I have to pay prostitutes for intimacy. Women, for whatever reason (I'm short and not great looking) don't look like. This is getting me incredibly sad.

    I also have a wider problem of having no friends. It bums me out when I meet people and they ask where I'v been on holiday. I've not been anywhere as I have no friends. Every significant birthday (18, 21, 30) has been spent alone .I try and ignore the feeling of isolation but it's getting harder the older I get.

    I saw a beautiful woman on the train with self harm scars all down her upper arm. I've never seriously self harmed but have punched and shallow cut myself once. It always bums me out when I see that because I think in my head that you are beautiful why hate on yourself.

    I continue to pay prositutes for cuddles. This makes me hate myself even more because most of the hookers I see don't want to cuddle. The questionable reasons those women enter the profession also make me want to beat the shit out of myself for being such a vile individual.

    The warmth of I receive from hookers is the sole reason I don't do the deed. Without that I'd be completely isolated and could not bear it.

    Loneliness sucks, I hope there comes a day where I don't spend ever weekend thinking how much better it would be if I ceased to exist.

    On the positive I am watching Say Anything. Great film! And i obviously want to cuddle the brunette.

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  28. im so sorry mom..... i love you,,but tonight is the night

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  29. KIlling yourself can't be that much fun can it? I like to workout, read science books, and play videogames. It's actually pretty fun. That's all I live for. I can't imagine that trying to find a way to kill yourself is something that is fun. Why not try to make some money and buy some stuff and have fun? This is a serious post, and I'm being as open as possible.

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  30. I cannot imagine what the bulk of you go through on a daily basis but here is a piece of advice from someone who has experience watching a friend take their own life.

    We will all get to the same place in due time, why rush it?

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  31. I ll die as early as possible bcose even god hate me

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  32. This is mine advice and an advice is to be rejected or accepted...I seriously feel sorry for all of you and wantYOU to know that nothing in this world is useless nor are you. What you lack is understanding that purpose...and that can only be acheived by turning to the one who created you for a porpose.There is no other way out......

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  33. oct 3... ..12:43 am
    dmw.dmw@rediffmail.com

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  34. LOL Most of the comments are useless. Can we get some more methods being put in? I have wanted to die since I was 7 and now I am 20. Can we get some ways to ease physical pain or ways to lower conscience while we do it because some are afraid of death while others just fear the pain that comes with suicide.

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  35. *starts reading comments* *grabs popcorn*

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  36. Before I commit suicide I will torture and humiliate the people that have given me the thought of suicide

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  37. Cut your dick off. Lol. The way i'm going out of hell, yes hell, this is hell, you just might be too dumb to see it..anyway, my way will be drugs. I'm gonna pop all the crazy shit i can get, double dose. Imagine the trip i will get before I die. Fucking amazing! One way trip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell? You're in it right now. It's called living.

      Delete
  38. I only have one chance, if I do it wrong I'm screwed. I don't want to be in a mental hospital :(

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  39. Hi all,
    I came across this blog, read some of your comments, and wrote this in response. Please read. And if you find it offensive, understand that it was written only with a desire to assist.
    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ag83R6csW2BpesUSTnAUnCKBgu6mRgDZDrlwuPA6ABM/pub
    Thanks,
    L

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was too long to be a comment. :) You'll need to copy and paste the googledoc link into your browser.

      Delete
  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  41. I found this site today by accident. My heart breaks as I read some of the posts. It is not hopeless. There IS hope. There IS a Creator Who made us. He came and revealed His love for us when His Son Jesus came. I promise you. If you ask. I mean simply ask. Yeah. You can talk to what will seem to be the air itself. Ask Him if He is there. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He will. You simply have to be willing to let Him in, and not have any preconceived notions. Just ask and believe He will answer, and He will.

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    1. This God is cruel and cynical. His greatest joke is making us believe that we will be happy in his light. What light when the "paths" he gives us is filled with shadows. And the "gifts" he places in front of us are snakes.

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    2. You delusional shit. I am sick of seeing all this religious crap here. I am elderly, disabled, just got diagnoised with more unpleasantness. All relatives are dead as are all friends. Nobody ever comes, calls, drops by since there is none left.I have tv for company am about to lose more income so that I literally will not be able to afford to live. Am trying to find Nembutal online.Believe it or not I believe in God. And boy do I have words for him when I see him. BTW, there is NOTHING about suicide in the Bible.

      Delete
    3. Exodus 20:13
      13 Thou shalt not kill.

      Delete
    4. Actually, that phrasing is from the King James Version. Some other translations (Young's Literal Translation, New International Version) use the word 'murder' instead of 'kill'. Murder is always killing, but killing is not always murder.

      I don't believe in any deities or afterlife, and I think much of the bible (and the holy books of other religions) are rubbish. Still, I don't believe the bible has any proscriptions against suicide in it.

      Suicide can be an entirely rational choice if one feels that living is too unpleasant.

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  42. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  44. I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of taking a chance on the wrong person/thing/opportunity and it blowing up in my face. I'm glad I read about the failed carotid and jugular cut because that was going to be my method of choice. I guess I'll have to put some more thought into it and stick to superficial cuts to hold me off until then.

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  45. Whoever you are,if you don't value your life don't expect anyone else will ever respect you. Honestly not a living sole knows what happens after death so whatever thoughts you have keep them aside and live this one to the fullest. When your time comes it is going to happen. Then why worry or rather why do it on your own. Just chill and enjoy whatever you have forget everything else.

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  46. I have tried suicide twice. Once when I was 17 I swallowed a bottle of 200 Tylenol with alcohol. It caused me to get dehydrated and have stomach pain for a day. Hospital never knew. 3 years later I was in a car accident I was already driving in icy conditions without care but afterwards I was so unhurt I hung myself from a tree. That ended up being too painful and I was too much of a coward I pulled myself up. 15 years have past and I'm trying to figure out the right way. I think suicide by police is my answer I just need to make sure I have it all timed correct. This world is beautiful but it is only good to some.

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  47. im so proud of all of you...just waiting for my daughter to turn four... then I`m gonna end my life... and all these FUCKERS with your sympathy... screw you and all your fucking pretending to be happy life's may i see ur souls burn in hell before mine... we dont need your heart felt stories or sorry`s. bloody give me the rope, gun, pills or scalpel... and those left behind... no one said you should handle the pain , fuck!!! follow my lead and do as i`ll do... may all your souls RIP... much love...

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  48. I have never seen a group of little bitches this big before. There is nothing in life worth killing yourself for all you are is attention seeking little fucking faggots that can't even live till the end. Then you fail to kill yourselves so you get those scars and health problems etc. You only make yourself suffer with that idiotic thinking of yours. It makes me sick that you people can't just get jobs have a family etc. Bitching about your dumbass problems wont solve anything. If you want to kill yourself be smart about it and just jump off a roof...

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    Replies
    1. go old fashion... get a gun...

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  49. I know this post is old...to all you fuck faces saying suicide in stupid you are the problem. Your the reason why we hate life so much cause its lucky bastards like you who never had to go through what we been through...try having your whole family hating you, no friends, living in a homeless shelter, no job, mental problems, ugly, abused, raped, permanent scars to remind you of that day, drug addict to your prescribed medication....So for all you simple minded ppl who think suicide is stupid put yourself in my shoes...you tell me what I have to live for since you know so much����

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  50. If you want to die go out victoriously by killing rapists, murders, ISIS members, cartel members, etc. nothing better than dying doing something completely selfless and bad ass like taking out some psychos who want to hurt others. Worse case is you get caught and tortured and killed by the violent murderers. Can't stand people harming others, especially innocent others. Self harm is fine but I'm telling you, massive attack on a drug cartel in Mexico or a terrorist group would be the best way to go out :-) Guns a blazing like a movie!

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  51. Hahaha there's no name for you loser your to pussy to deal with life and to pussy to completely kill yourself..take a gun press the barrel against your temple and pull the trigger if you can't work the gun YouTube it then your out of the way for the people with the balls to keep fighting

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    1. He's a pussy? hahahahahaha wow ... You can't deal with the life you were born into now that's being a pussy Sir...

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  52. Agai . To all who are struggling. Email me anytime
    trikki1024@gmail.com
    I have been clean going on 2 yrs

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  53. Try taking mybulance pills n drinkin m0nster.. read it in da newspaper da kid died.. me gona try it.. i hate my life cut mysly lyk 21time stil alive overdosed 6times still alive.. car knockd me stil alife.. y dnt we die instead of ppl who realy wana live n end up dyin.. i pray everyday to die n even bt .. plz guyz pray me die s00n..

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  54. An event independent of my control left me broken for life and living in constant fear, I break down every time something reminds me of it, and it is happening every day, several times a day, I wake up from panic attacks every night and can't fall back asleep, then I feel tired every day because I only sleep a couple of hours a night. I can't speak to anyone about it because I feel that I will probably have a heart attack or go crazy because of my emotions that are too intense. I remember how I used to have dreams and plans and now all I can think about is my head constantly hurting and FEAR... I wanted to have a normal life like everyone else, what am I going to have now? I am going to watch people moving on with their lives and looking at me with pity and I am never going to have the same things as they have... why did I have to be the one chosen for this horrible thing to happen to me?
    Oh yeah and cheesy people who have always had sweet pretty lives with nothing wrong in them would just tell me how weak it is to think of suicide... and how them too used to be sad etc. THAT's not sad!
    All I try to do is to adapt, to make up my life with new limitations... to give up forever the dreams I used to have... to live differently from now on until... forever. But it hurts so much to give up on life that you were building for yourself, to give up on the future that you have imagined for yourself... I sometimes just want to give up on myself altogether.

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  55. Where was it ? You selfish fuck. Let me know

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  56. Ice tried drugs, tried slitting my wrists, tried hanging... Nothing has worked my last attempt was thwarted by the police dragging me off the train tracks with like less than a minute to go.... That got me committed to a mental hospital.. What the fuck is up with this shitty world where you can't die....

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  57. Ice tried drugs, tried slitting my wrists, tried hanging... Nothing has worked my last attempt was thwarted by the police dragging me off the train tracks with like less than a minute to go.... That got me committed to a mental hospital.. What the fuck is up with this shitty world where you can't die....

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  58. Ice tried drugs, tried slitting my wrists, tried hanging... Nothing has worked my last attempt was thwarted by the police dragging me off the train tracks with like less than a minute to go.... That got me committed to a mental hospital.. What the fuck is up with this shitty world where you can't die....

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  59. Okay, so I found this by accident doing research for a story and guys... this blog is called never commit to suicide. Not - here's the best info on what to do. I've been in that dark place, self harming, been committed to a mental hospital. Someone commented saying that people writing comments about people getting help. The absolute truth is, yes, you do need to seek some kind of medical/psychological help. It's not preaching. It's just honest, helpful advice.
    Cause guys, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
    Cheesy, but true. Everyone has their inner demons and everyone deals with them differently. Suicide is a big step. And something that should not be taken lightly or joked about. There's happy, joyful moments in life. Find the thing that makes you smile. Music, art, movies, whatever gives you peace. I don't have an adventurous or out of the ordinary life, but I'm getting there. I'm climbing out of the darkness.

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    1. You have a good attitude. My only daughter dealt with Bipolar I over 25 years and experienced some of the good times in life, even though she had problems with her illness. Finally, last Feb., at age 49, her meds stopped working. After they tried to regulate her meds she just gave up and took her own life. What a horrible thing for her family and friends to live with.

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  60. Look I'm not going to say I understand because I despise when someone says that, but I can empathize with your pain. I have been in that dark place and didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully I failed at my multiple suicide attempts. At the time I was extremely disappointed but I can honestly say today that I'm happy I failed. I know it sounds trite but it can get better. I've had years of therapy and found a good combination of medicine that helps with the depression. Also try to think about all the people who love and will miss you if you succeed. Have faith and I wish you strength and hope.

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  61. who ever thinks we are attention seekers your a fucking heartless basterd im 16 and still want to die i have been in treatment over half my life and i was raped by my own father so fuck off we all have a reason for wanting to die trust me i definitely know what i'm talking about too so suck on that and try to understand us before you piss the wrong person off and they do fucking die you worthless fucking basterds

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  62. THANK YOU*punches wall till knuckles bleed*

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  63. i mean i have tried just about every way there is. Even shooting myself in the fucking stomach so i mean i can fucking relate

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  64. I don't get you people whining about how you've tried to kill yourself but just can't die. Seriously??? If you really want to kill yourself than there's a thousand ways to make absolutely sure about it. Shoot yourself in the head or jump off a 20 storey building or a cliff. Finished.

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  65. A couple of days ago me and my friend both tried to slit our throats. He had better luck than me. I need help i just can't find it. Help :(

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  66. In my case,only 1 member of the "family" came round twice in nearly 3 months......Not trying to "help", only wanting to complain...
    I switched my phone off at the same time,no "friends" came round to find out why!!! Don't need friends OR family..Your on your own!!

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  67. Hi guys, Jesus loves you all so so much.... He came to this world just for us.. To save us from depression and all the burdens we face. I know that it is not easy being you right now. But you are made for so much more.... Please do not let your temporary pain, no matter how grave it may be.. let you take away the only precoius thing you have right now.. your life.
    Cause without God. Life after death wouldn't be better than what it is now. You are better than this. I pray you find God and discover how amazing you are. Even if you do not see it God knows you and loves you.
    Just give him all your burdens and your life and He will do the rest. This is just a phase. There are so many people who want what you have right now, people without food, clothes, homes. I pray you realize how blessed you are.

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    Replies
    1. Jesus WAS great, hes dead now, I wish I could see him in person, he WAS such a supreme human, but we are in 2017, not in year "0" . God doesnt love anyone, he just "works" by the laws of quantum physics and the power of our brains. We are alone, except that we have ourselves

      Delete
  68. I want to die.please help me for this.what is the smoothest way to suisaid. Which blade is perfectly cut my vein and less time for die.

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  69. I want to die.please help me for this.what is the smoothest way to suisaid. Which blade is perfectly cut my vein and less time for die.

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  70. Carbon monoxide pain less and it's guaranteed

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  71. Carbon monoxide pain less and it's guaranteed

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  72. I Tried to kill myself the what suppose to be easy way...generic sleeping aid pills and liquid like Nyquil...did a small research on minimum lethal dosage and went to the beach...I figured to take it all and sleep there like a normal person getting some tan...but nothing went as expected...man...why?...even the weather...it was ok..sunny...but soon...some strong wind and rain...a tornado warning was in effect and the life guards were making sure everyone left...I was already under the effect of the drugs and felt like I was drunk...waited in the parking lot and went back when the sun showed up...passed out...woke up(sort of) with 5 or 6 cops on top of me yelling "what is your name?" but I could not keep awake,I remember I was angry at them for keep asking me the same...I start saying different names..till I passed out...woke up 3 days later in a Hospital...pretty sure they pumped my stomach...this way is out of the question...it seems I blacked out with the drugs so I was not actually sleeping...my body was still working somehow and got the police attention...want to try cutting my carotid artery...but not sure I can do it...can't even stick a needle in me because of the pain...so I am afraid I'll start to cut myself and then stop...make a mess and cops will find me again...and God knows where they will lock me up this time...

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    Replies
    1. Pls dnt evr try anythg lik tat.. pls gve some break evrythg vil b solved

      Delete
    2. Pls dnt evr try anythg lik tat.. pls gve some break evrythg vil b solved

      Delete
  73. Pls dnt evr try tis.. so many r here to help u dear.. u can ping any1 nd feel free..

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  74. Pls dnt evr try tis.. so many r here to help u dear.. u can ping any1 nd feel free..

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  75. There is no one to help me. I hope you found help. I did not

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  76. Well I have been readig all of the comments on here. I just took a look because I am tired, I am so tired that I am not sure that I can be bothered any more. I have people that I love, and people that love me. I don't want to hurt them. I mostly have a great life, but I have health issues, and whilst I don't feel sorryh fr myself, I am just soooo tired. I really just want to go to sleep,

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  77. I want to commit to it ! Im tired of living ! I have no one . I grew up as a orphan I have no friends and no family and no reason to live anymore . Just trying to figure out the best way to do it .

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  78. Not like I don't have the will to finish my life or plans for my future, it's that everyone in my town are complete dumbasses, not a brain cell in their heads, and quite disgusting morally and psysically.

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  80. I'm 38 yrs old, the last 7 years i took care of my grandmother fulltime and recently passed a year ago, for past year i've lived with my aunt(my grandmothers daughter) who now is kicking me out because i cant afford the outrageous rent, so i'll be homeless in a week. in those 7 years i was unable to work and am completely broke, i aquired many medical issues that i could not treat and have gotten worse. most of my life i suffered from multiple anxiety disorders, depression, and poor social aptitude. i've never been married, have no kids, no real family that gives a damn about me, i have no money and about to be kicked on the street. I literally have nothing and no hope, atleast when i was taking care of my grandmother i had purpose. i am always lonely and thinking about the end, always afraid of what the next day will bring, i've experienced endless bad luck after bad luck with no sign of getting better since my birth and i was seperated from mother and sister, nothing seams to go right and nobody in this world that i do know had an understanding bone in there body. i'm not afrain do die but i do fear having to be forced to do it myself, not sure how i should do it. and for the record i hope everyone here and myself included gets everythings that we truely deserve out of this situation. peace

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  81. U ppl r idiots...its a shame u dnt get enought attention at home or ....
    its sad u cant come up w a btr way to get the attention u seek
    Its even more disheartening that u arent serious enough to really go thru with it cuz weak minded pathetic ppl like u who rely on atention from others to determine their worth or give them purpose and who really serve no purpose that nobody needs around anyhow...
    Soooo stop pretending n grow some balls
    Oh n maybe finish school get out in the real world n get some real problems b4 u go offing ursel

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  82. Don't lie, coz one of my friends committed suicide by slitting his throat nd the cut wasn't really deep, less than an half an inch maybe less than urs, so stop with all these nonsense

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  83. Anyone know how to get some propofol?

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  84. I have been mentally abused since a young age,my life has been controlled by my mom, money all my money she takes, i have nothing to my name, i dont even have a room to call my own, i dont have a safe space and this phonei have is just to keep tabs on me and make sure i dont run off... which is funny cause i cant... i am alone, and see no point in hanging on, i sucker myself into thinking ah it will get better, which is a bullshit lie it never does, in all honesty why havent killed myself is cause i fear going to hell, but i cant take this no more, i want to die. I want to erase all i am, im a waste of space.i am nothing.

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