Tuesday, February 7, 2012

yesterday I tried to cut my jugular vein

Yesterday, I tried to cut my jugular vein. I knew it would draw more blood faster from my body than the common method of cutting the radial vein that will not do anything to my life except risking to damage my nerves instead..

It was my second time of serious suicide efforts I did. Previously, I often hold a broken mirror and the other times a knife....but these were just ended with failure


I was unlucky--or maybe lucky, I don't know,, unintentiously the surgical blade I hold scratched my finger. I was very afraid when it dripped so much blood, but I waited it, I wanted to know how fast a little vein would drip a blood...for comparing it with my jugular vein, if I continued to cut my jugular vein then...

The bleeding rate was so fast, that I feel my hands are trembling and becoming cooler.


finally, my yesterday-effort to suicide was aborted, yes, I failed to empty my blood from my body again..

But at least I could get a positive side effect, that I could go to my campus with a gauze full of blood covering my finger and my neck to take some attention from my friends,, and to let them know that I tried to suicide, and I needed help,,, although I did not mention why I got that wound...They would know by taking into consideration the location of my wound--my neck where my jugular vein is quite superficial to it...

33 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I need to know the shaarpest knife to cut my jugular vein

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    2. WTF!... yes i have harmed as well, yes ive attempted and failed, yes id say there was no hope... but I never gave up...Please dont try again... I'll do what i can... if you want you can email me..
      My name is...Rikki, im turning 16 this month... email me at....:
      trikki1024@gmail.com
      I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU nohope...Always...

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  2. Adding to Anonymous, go wider. If you can catch your carotid, you should be out like a light. Also use a superior blade. Can't go wrong with the classic straight razor. That's my plan, but I'll let you use it without hassle ;).

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    1. I just recently tried this^ with a havalon Piranta edge skinning knife (google it). I stabbed all the way into the left side of my neck (almost into the back of my neck) and just ripped down past my throat. I cut half my throat open, my exterior jugular, and all kinds of muscles and nerves.. When i started bleeding out i got that nice warm, pins and needles, then cold feeling so i just flopped my head back so the wound would be WIDE open. WELL... Apparently i miraculously missed the interior jugular and carotid (DIRECTLY in the cut path). I fell asleep for 6 fucking hours and woke up... My fiance was next to me (she tried as well, but didn't get NEARLY as deep) and alive as well...

      How the fuck we survived, i will never know. In fact, i still think that I died and i'm experiencing some kinda final dying hallucination or something.

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    2. you stupid suicidal fucks don't even think past the attention you want.. What if you actually went into shock and passed out, like i did? what if you woke up after somehow surviving, and didn't know if you were dead or not? do you have ANY FUCKING CLUE how much it fucks with your head, surviving such a seemingly sure-shot attempt? hmm??

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  3. I'm glad that you could get some positive effect. Please don't die; you deserve to live and to get the support you want. :)
    A hug for you; hang in there.

    And that's coming from someone who found this blog entry by searching "how to cut the jugular vein".

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  4. Please seek help. I was at the edge and in the dark but now I'm preparing for my marathon. You just need to get help and seek purpose. There is always a way to live life. I told myself this, if I were to not want to live, why not commit this life to others, to divinity, to something. Look around you. Suffering exist. And there is a way out. Look for it. Even if you didn't find it, at least you know you have spend those years purposefully. Hang on there.

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    1. just so you know.. when someone is genuinely considering taking their own life ands then read your post, it is by far the most repulsive and pretentious thing you could read. A. we are talking to ppl that want to die... not ever (in this life or the next) do we want to listen to you smear our face in the fact hat u are running a marathon while we are praying to have something make us stop breathing. what the hell. B. you suggest that we commit our lives to divinity... what an original thought. please next time you get on a blog for ppl that are genuinely considering ending their lives. take a few minutes to read what you wrote and try not to be so self righteous. On a more Libra -note... thank you for your effort, even if it is not a very good one.

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    2. ^ Kill yourself Anonymous...seriously..

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  5. Um... attention seeker much. Go see a counselor or go swimming or something.

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    1. if we're attention seekers then why do we hide our scars? You don't understand so unless u do then don't say anything .

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    2. Did you honestly just suggest to go "swimming"???? I hope you have children with emotional problems... that has to be the only thing worse than actually wanting to die... having a child that wants to die. you are a terrible human

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    3. If you all weren't attention seekers then why are you posting your failed stories on the internet?? TO GET ATTENTION! Now take your little emo, attention seeking asses somewhere else.

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  6. Tried to do the same thing. Sat under a tree in the backyard so I'd bleed onto the ground. Tried four or five passes with my favorite kitchen knife but didn't really feel anything but a bit of pain. Clearly wasn't working. left and tried to find a gun to buy. Failed. Left suicide notes; wife called the cops. Committed for a week. Now my life is total shambles. Neck was sore for a couple of days with relatively superficial cuts. I'm not going to try this again but I keep hoping I die in my sleep.

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    1. i wonder do you love your wife? why would you want to leave her alone in this big world?

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  7. Lee has a really good response, living for others (helping them etc) occupies your mind and hopefully you'll start to feel good about yourself. "An idle mind is the devils play ground". You need to find purpose, without purpose no one would exist. Depression sucks balls, I had it for seven years, still comes and goes, but at least now I have a lot of good times too, got to ride the waves. Seek help and devote yourself to getting better, you have to want and try to get better before any help will help you. Confront your fears and step out of your comfort zone. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite saying that, but I'm doing it little bit by little bit and it is paying dividends. Having a job that you like and that you get satisfaction from, is a really good start to beating depression, after all, we are at work for like 70% of our awake lives. Hope you get better, depression is an illness and it needs to be treated.

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  8. I intend to slit my own jugular vein. I have had enough of this horrid life. I am without hope and to me living without hope is living death.

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  9. Oh geez. I was searching "jugular vein" for completely different reasons and found this instead.

    My heart hurts for those of you who don't see a light.

    Don't go. None of you. Please don't go. I can't imagine how hard everyday is for you all but I know that the pain, the hole you'll leave behind will be greater than you can imagine.

    Please get help.

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    1. ya indeed .......... but only to the ones to whom your existence is a good deal, or else you are just a burden ... nothing else
      Who in the society cares for your existence and how you exist.
      wether u get what u deserve is again a question 'others' dont want to answer coz that will mean parting with your own share in cake, and nobody ever dares to confess - i will not give it !
      what do u do then - live on beggary. world is overpopulated so let the scraps have 'Euthanasia' cum suicide !

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  10. The will to live is always stronger then the will to die. Think about the people around you, you are a son/daughter, a neighbor, a teachers student at one point or another, a grandchild...your always going to be connected to someone. Please get help. I dont know who you are or what you are going through but there is always someone. God doesn't slam a door in your face without opening a box of girl scout cookies. I've been there trust me.

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  11. EVERYONE. there is a reason we were born, and there is a reason we die. we have to wait our turn. life is what you make it and theres nothing you can do that you cant fix. I pray for all of you in need to kill yourself. I just hope you rethink it and realize there is a lot to live for. WAIT YOUR TURN. God bless

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  12. i want to die.i tried 3 or 4 times.but failed.but today again i'm going to try out.now i need some sleeping pills.my loneliness killing my.i'm fed up of my life.i lost my dreams and i'm looser...........somebody help me to die.

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    1. take it and goo ......... losing dream is like turning your brain a mere 'mechanical' part of your body which gets input from other, makes you work for other and output for you is null !!
      may u RIP

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  13. People, if you want to die please do it with dignity and die in war !!!!

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  14. i don't know what to do I've tried praying tried putting my feelings on paper i just feel like no one will understand if i even try to get my feelings out i dont know how to get out this world i'm scared of cutting my wrist and failing becuz if i do it i want it to be done and over and not having to be recovered.what the hell do i do.

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  15. What the actual fuck did I find searching for a hockey accident my friend told me about... I hope all the people who wrote on here are still around... Suicide is a horrible thing and the people who do it are so stupid. They think that they are all alone in the world and what they are going through is too bad, but they don't even begin to understand. Most people don't realize the effect suicide has on the people around them. they think none will miss them. They are so wrong. There will alwyas be someone who crys them self to sleep because someone they loved did something so stupid and shortsighted as kill themselves. If you really truly want to kill yourself you need to stop and think. If you have a horrid situation at home, get help. there are hundreds of ways to get help and to get yourself out of the situation you are in. I've heard all kinds of horror stories of the things that humans can do to each other, abuse, rape, bullying, but if you are in a situation like this there are more ways to get out than suicide. It can be as simple as telling a friend or someone with authority, like a teacher or someone like that. And for the people who think they are worthless, think again, there is not one person on this planet that is completely worthless or a burden to someone else. Everyone has something they can contribute to the planet, even if it is just giving a simple smile. All of this is coming from someone who knows the aftermath of a suicide. I have had a friend commit suicide before, thinking that he is alone and that no one would care anyway. He could have not been more wrong. On that day you couldn't walk in the halls of my school without seeing tears, and I myself have begun crying writing this. My father has tried to commit suicide 4 times before, failing each time. He believes that me and my brothers and sisters would be better off without him. He could not be more wrong. I have no idea what i'd do without him. And to everyone who is thinking about suicide: There is someone else out there that cares about you, even though you don't know it. That is my message to everyone out there that thinks committing suicide is a good idea.

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    1. Dear god what a wall of text I just vented.... Click my name to get help.

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  16. My brothers body was found on Wednesday, February 26, 2014 after being missing for 4 days. He took his life. He suffered for 29 years from depression. Had been getting worse and worse for last 10 years and severely worse for last 5 yrs. He was far from "stupid" and wwqs not abused, bullied or raped. He knew a lot of people loved and cared about him. He sought out more than those hundreds of ways to get help that you really know nothing about. Just spent 5 months in 4 facilities for that help you talk about. You obviously have no real clue how dark and hopeless someone with real, deep, serious and untreatable depression and a few other mental diagnosises feels. So many meds tried over the years. So many different Drs. sought out,so many family members and friends trying to help and no positive response. He loved the Lord and God heard lots of real prayers. My loving brother was not stupid, he was sick. Please don't "act stupid" and call sick people names. I hope your dad gets better.

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  17. Wow some of these people are dead now. How i wish i could join them.

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  18. I disagree with all of you...thise whi want to kill them selves and thise who think they are idiots for wanting it. I wanted to die many times... i was holding a knife and glass in my hand so many times i cant count it. I was crying so much in those periods... i felt alone, misunderstud, tortured by my own toughts and insecurities, many times i felt like i deserved it because im a horrible person. I would think a lot how people around me would feel and i felt like no one but my mom would miss me... to this day i still think this... but then i tought what if i failed and survived? Ill be supervised like a rat in a cage... i got so scared of surviving that i didnt even attempt to kill myself wich is a paradox but... i fell into a dark void for 3 weeks... i felt dead, i felt like my soul has died, i didnt think,i wasnt sad or happy, i had no needs i was just existing... dont kbow in wich conversation to myself i made myself believe that i died and got a new chance...but i changed my life conpletly after 3 weeks of void... no its not a success story... im saying i traveled to another side of the pkanet and my inly reason for everyrhing i do that is crazy or misunderstood is that once i had a courage to ebd it all and i will again so when everything fails and there are no options to drasticly change things i can always just die. So what in saying is.. i wont judge anyone here for wanting to die but do something memorable before you decide to take your life away....do whatever you want, something nice that people will remeber... and exactly that might make you realise you dont have to die now. Also i hope everyone is reading this...dont make other people kill themselves... do what you want to yourselves but dont ruin others to make yourself feel better. Also a lot of people whi wabt to kill themselves never tell others,never post online and bevee seek opinions...and i know cauae i knew i few suicidals (r.i.p) ...and im thinking i wish they did...maybe theh would still be alive today....

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    1. Sorry for typos english is not my first language and i hate touch screen

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  19. I like what you said, lots of people don't ever tell people. Some don't tell, cause they don't want to be stereotyped as wanting attention. Sure they want love but who wants to beg to be loved back. If you ask for love, that's not love. Years ago I started a book on suicide. Never finished cause of depression. But suicide seems to be so misunderstood. So many want love and don't feel they have it or feel only one will miss them and some feel the ones that won't are the ones they live for. A person at a suicide point, feels like things will never get better, maybe they've turned to God as the persons brother above has done and maybe they just feel overwhelmed in their feelings. I feel bad for all who wanted to ever commit suicide, there is some who want to and there is some who want just attention. That don't put us all there wanting attention. But one thing I think all suicidal people share is the desire for something better, for a change. Even if that change is just a healed disease of depression. People telling others they just want attention don't help them. It makes it harder cause they want and need love and don't feel they have it. "Glad you called" is a song I thought of not long ago.We just never know when a person that comes to mind is somebody who need a us to just reach out and say hey, thought about you and wanted to call. People who are suicidal lots often think of people and just wish they'd tell them hey I was just thinking about you. But when they dont, that can be life or death in a suicidal persons life. So when you do have others cross ur mind, don't just ignore it and assume they have all they need. Maybe they dont. Maybe they feel they have nobody or that they sure wish you'd care, so text, call, email, something and let them know you csre, cause it could be a persons life at stake. Lots of people die and everybody says I had no idea they were even sad. That's often cause people haven't tried to know that person and their deep feelibgs. Usually a person don't wake up from a happy life suicidal. It's a process Year of whatever, and then they are pushed to the edge and don't know what else to do to stop the pain and it gets too much. It's not for attention, but lack of love they feel. In this world of distance brought on lots by technology and families that are broken cause their family was broken and back stabbing friends, people's hearts are breaking and nobody even realizes it.

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